Skinny Jeans? No Thanks, I'll Take Mine Fat!

I've finally decided to do it. I'm blogging about being fat.

Why you ask? Really, I'm not sure. . . I think partially it's that our society is so bogged down by body hate that I feel the need to put up some sort of fight . . . the other is probably that, like most women, it gets to me and I deal best with my issues by laying them out on the table.

I've talked to a lot of girls who have pretty horrific stories about families, friends and schoolmates making inappropriate comments about their bodies. To me, I can't fathom how awful this would be from your own family . . . seriously. You can eventually brush off the digs of bully kids you barely know, but from your family? They're supposed to love you no matter what, right?

Many of my friends accounted to me that their mothers used to mandate exercise times with sentence endings such as, "because you don't want to get fat like your sister", "because basketball season is over and you're already getting chunky around the middle", and even "because boys don't like fat girls". . . (unbelievably, the basketball comment was one I witnessed and said to my leanest and most muscular friend).

I know parents don't want their kids going through the trauma and teasing, but if there was one place you would expect understanding and a reprieve of negativity . . . well . . . yeah, I would hope that would be at home.

The truth of the matter is that, for someone who's always been overweight, I've had a charmed life. I had awesome parents who encouraged healthy, not restrictive, eating and fun, not forced, physical activity. I was raised by a mother who was ahead of her time and fed us on whole grains and home grown organics long before it was a fad. I have a father who constantly told me I was beautiful, and meant it. He was also so worried about his daughters developing eating disorders that he asked if I was getting enough to eat when I came back from college and had lost 10 lbs . . . putting me at an even 200 lbs . . . yes, he's adorable.

Honestly, I've never felt I was really fat and some of you wonderful people probably believe (and some of you have even said) that you don't think of me as fat. But unfortunately according to social indicators, I am fat. I submit the following: Exhibit #1: according to the BMI (Body Mass Index), I am not just overweight, I am considered obese. Exhibit #2: I cannot shop at a lot of the stores you lovely souls do because the sizes do not run to my size. Exhibit #3: Weight-loss advertisements use my body size to show people just how scary fat can be (albeit, these people are clad in frumpy and loose clothing . . . or in scandalous sports clothes that are two sizes too small with body mass flying everywhere. Not a great portrayal, but they are, nevertheless, still my size). Exhibit #4: Those of you who popped out your eyes a bit when I earlier admitted to weighing twice that of a supermodel.

So what's my point? Good question.

I feel like our society raises us to believe that we will never be good enough physically. I think women have slightly harsher guidelines, but it definitely applies to both the genders. . . We are raised with these eerie expectations of perfect bodies. Even those with "ideal" body shapes and sizes have things they want to change. I'm hard-pressed to find one woman in 10 who is only dissatisfied with one or two things about her body. It's a sad reality.

What's also unfortunate to me is that our "scientific" medical society has begun telling us that being fat is a sin. . . And I HATE bringing this up, because a lot of people will roll their eyes and think that fat people make this stuff up to feel better about themselves. . . but I'm gonna say it anyway: BEING SKINNY DOES NOT GUARANTEE BETTER HEALTH. (Commence rolling of eyes you naysayers . . . everyone else, continue reading.) I don't mind that our nation is health conscious . . . but we're all being duped into thinking that the anorexic supermodel look is what health looks like. I submit that health doesn't look like anything. Health is defined by other things. I will use myself as an example.

I submit that I'm not the healthiest person on earth, and most of us probably aren't, but as I said before, I was raised on whole grains and organics, I have normal cholesterol and perfect blood-pressure. Although I'm not much of a runner, if I feel inclined, I can get up and jog 2 miles without stopping and without having any of my organs rupture.

In high school, I started Weight Watchers at the beginning of my senior year and learned what a healthy diet consisted of (not just calorie restriction, but a balanced, nutritious diet . . . which I'd already been getting, thanks to my mom). At the time, I was taking a body toning class at school that I did three days a week and did cardio another 3 days a week. I dropped about 10 lbs for a total of 210 lbs.

Then I went to college where I had limited funds and no time to eat but did my best to have a somewhat balanced diet. Fast food was not in my budget and I would guess that my daily average calorie intake was around 1500 to 1700 calories. I had no car and two feet so I walked wherever I needed to go. Additionally, I continued to do toning exercises at least 3 times a week and played killer games of water polo as often as my free time allowed. . . at this point I had dropped 10 lbs during my first few months at college, which, as I mentioned above, put me at an even 200 lbs.

So, 10 lbs in the first few months seems encouraging right? Right. . . I continued this diet and exercise cycle for the next two years by lifestyle default and (cue the trumpets) . . . still weighed 200 lbs . . .wait, what? That can't be right! I have been told that diet and exercise mathematically creates weight-loss. So I got my thyroid checked. Normal. So I got my blood checked: Diabetes. No. Cholesterol. Normal. Blood pressure. 120/80.

Hmmmm . . . I'm just under 5'8", so take that, cross-reference 200 lbs, and I get 30.4 on the BMI . . . that's still obese. . . not just overweight, but obese! What's wrong with me!? My doctor says I'm healthy, but I can't get to a "healthy weight" on the BMI! How depressing!

So, what did I do? I read Wendy Shanker's book called The Fat Girl's Guide to Life and stopped trying to change my weight. Instead, I changed my mind.

I realized that I was healthy and active; that I had a fabulous body that could do fabulous things. I felt like my confidence was always held just under the surface of my skin, but never thought I would have the courage to tell others that I could be okay the way I was. I mean, fat just isn't something you come to terms with. You tell people about that new diet your going to try, or the new exercises you're going to do . . . you don't just tell them you're fat and okay with it! Or do you?

Now I do. I have decided to put Health before Beauty. . . not that you can't have both . . . but if it really gets down to it, I will opt to be healthy and fat (yes, they can be synonymous) rather than get down on myself because I cannot attain an unrealistic image of beauty.

What do I mean by health? I mean, a balanced diet to include rational amounts of food everyday. I mean, doing your best to maintain an active lifestyle, despite the fear of being mocked by the skinnies. I mean, finally taking those one-day-I-will-finally-be-beautiful-and-fit-into-you-again clothes that you wore in your "attractive glory days" and storing them because you finally realize you can look good at any size, especially when your clothes fit! I mean, embracing your body for the amazing creation it is; realizing that it is self-healing, that it provides you your five senses, that it can be trained to accomplish amazing feats or even just that your brain can process these alphabet letters I'm throwing up everywhere and use them to comprehend what I'm trying to say.

So, here's the deal. Take another look at the way you think about and treat your bodies and decide to be a little nicer. Start working with your body, not against it. Just training yourself to be kinder to your body is a healthy step that will decrease stress and negative emotions. Realize that we can all be a little healthier at any size. Health before Beauty, not the other way around.

Women in particular, need to stop kidding themselves that it is okay to hate your bodies. It is not! When you do this, it teaches others, including and most especially the media, your community, your family and children that this is an acceptable practice. It is not!

If you need help in the process, I highly recommend Wendy's book. There's also another book I've heard good things about, it's called Health at Every Size by Linda Bacon, PhD.

The best part is that when you love your body and treat it right, it will only love you back and make you feel better.

It's time to start loving your body. No more excuses!!